Watching Christmas movies: Santa Claus Conquers the Martians (1964)
At 2.2 out of 10 on IMDB, you would not expect Santa Claus Conquers the Martians to be as fun as it is. In my opinion, the silly old sci-fi camp easily trumps the vapidness of most hollowed-out commercial christmas romcoms or christmas specials, and Santa Claus Conquers the Martians delivers.
The title sounds violent, but it is tricking the viewer here a tad. Not that it is without violence.
The basic premise of the movie is this. The Martians, are in trouble. Their kids have started to starve, resist eating, and going without sleep. And they watch the silly earth shows! Which do so happen to show the inner workings of Santa's workshop on TV. An old wizard beckons the Martian Leader to bring Santa Claus to Mars. Because their kids maturate swiftly and never have childhood, this new gen is finally reaching the endpoint of this, and they demand merry. So he and some other guys go on their way. Among them is Groucho (none of this is their real name by the way, but I already forgot). Funny guy is kinda stupid but kindhearted servant of the Leader and he also gets on the ship. Anyway, they randomly ask some kids for the direction to the real Santa, then kidnap them. After sucesfully securing their target, they go back to Mars. On the way, Groucho tries to murder Santa and the kids and the Leader arrests him. The atmosphere with the uptight Martians makes them be silly! On Mars, they tell Santa that he will stay forever and he starts to make toys. Funny guy starts dressing up as Santa and he is kidnapped by Groucho! One epic fight later, Groucho is defeated and the kids and Santa go home as the Funny Guy becomes the main Mars Santa.
How is the production? Wellll, there are some actually well done and fun looking sets! The Martian ship, the Martian home, the two workplaces. But a massive amount of time, you are looking at a result of a time saving. People not moving, or footage of ships and army that look, uh, taken out ofsome public domain resource. There is one charming moment of newspapers stacking on super fast, with the engligh ones having edited title of "Martians kidnap Santa"!. However, every other newspaper in different language had nothing of the sort - they just hoped noone would pause it and notice! And the one polar bear that almost eats the kids is very obviously just a guy in a costume they probably paid 30 dollars for in some cheap shop.
Then there is just a million plot holes. Why is the Martian Leader so fast to accept the kind and gift giving ways? Why did all countries of the Earth send astronauts to Mars? Why did this movie set up so much about the technology of Mars people, only to then throw it away and not use it?
But oh, despite my misgivings this movie has so much charm, I swear. I am someone who fell in love with Original Star trek and Classic Dr Who and this movie feels like an average episode of them. It's stupid but has heart and realises this heart with shoestring budget that makes you go aww. They use silly machines to freeze the dwarves. The robot they send to kidnap Santa before they do it is pacified by Santa's strange powers. When Groucho tries to throw Santa and the kids from the vent, while they are in the space (uh, kinda sus of him), Santa turns up later and reveals he used his Santa secret magic to get into a chute that was in that room. There is just a lot of charming little moments and siliness in this movie. It doesn't take itself too seriously despite the doom and gloom that surrounds the Martians at the start.
It did give me a lot of Christmas joy, even if it is a cheap piece of crap. Because it is a tender Christmas cheap piece of crap.