Admission
Everyone says Souls-likes are an epitome of worldbuilding and gameplay-story integration. That the exhilation you feel finally beating the boss. That it is the sweet cherry of the delicious cake. You want just the sweet decor or just the cream? No you want the whole thing, from bottom to cherry.
The only thing I have ever felt playing soulslikes is tiredness, shame and zero fun. The endless weapons and stats do nothing but stress me out. Every single fight just makes me tense because I KNOW I will lose. And not in a sense of I want to continue because I am close to figuring it out. I know I know nothing as famous philosopher maybe said. Every fight feels like dissociation, a slow discharge of energy of my brain juzt desperately wanting this experience to end. And even if I find sweet mountains and tombs, in the end I know.
New boss, new struggle I don't want. I cannot connect to the land through enforced demand of effort I can't give.
I suppose I am just not resilient enough.
I enjoy boomer shooters, but the complex movements of those who grew up clicking the keyboard and exploding demons in Doom eludes me. I don't understand. It's like Bayonetta. It's like Fighters. The idea of mapping movement keys swiftly in response to stimuli is impossible. How? How do you fit so many actions between two breaths of a mouse? What is wrong with me that my fingers mumble and tumble and refuse to give in? Like a scared mammal starint at the maw of the beast.
I suppose I am just not studious enough.
When people talk about how bad modern Pokémon is, I cannot disagree, because I see the evidence and feel the lack of luster on my skin. But there is a lot of honest and kind that people miss, charm hidden in the deep. But it's too easy. This I cannot dispute. But ... I am angry. I am angry everything has to be insane amount of difficulty. I actually like stuff being easy as baseline and me modifying it with my own preferences, with my own mind. In fact, my most behated game is Heartgold/Soulsilver. These games are pure ... nothing-burger, with one of the most miserable levelling and evolving experience across the entire series. But they are beloved.
Maybe I am just not grown-up enough - or without a heart or soul. Who knows.
The amount of things I am and am not could fill a bucket. Not anymore, because I am pretty boring. I like easy things, I like my comfort zones, I don' like being reminded about how stupid I am. I play games on Normal/Standard and only Rarely suffer through Hard. But who knows how much of this is forecast of my personality? Gaming places like to conflate the two, as if the person you are in the gaming chair is the same as person anywhere else. Are you? Are you avoiding struggle when your refuse to clean the dishes while blasting guys in Fortnite?
How close are they to the truth? Who are they and who am I?
I can't answer that for certain. I am too biased in answering I just suck, so I am impartial. What I also know is that trying to force myself to fit the mold of "every gamer", I have been stretching myself too thin. Easy design. Hard design. They all exist for a reason. In the end, we can't tell what makes the dopamine system of the other person explode.
What we can share is passion. I suppose.